She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
