1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
