Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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