He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
