for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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