I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
