At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
