He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
