Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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