it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
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