Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
