So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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