i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
