I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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