You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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