she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
