My hand turned me down
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
