It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
