I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
