You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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