i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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