someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
