omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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