so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
