Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
