3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you still have your period?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
