I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
