My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
