Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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