3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
