We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
