so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
