im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
