Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
