brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
