Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
