Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
