shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize
