Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
