My sheets look like a crime scene.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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