if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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