Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
