i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
