I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
