Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we're so committed to being not committed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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