i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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