honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
