i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
