My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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