his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I forget how to act sober
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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