he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
