He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
