fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
