glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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