Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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